It's something we all do. That's right... it's thinking. We all have our moments where we like to think, we are as individual in how we think and pretty much in what we think about in general. I would like to point out that there's stressing and thinking. We all pretty much stress about the same stuff, career, money, love etc etc etc... I guess we could be thinking about that stuff to, but I like to refer that as a stress more than anything. Personal opinion there, no specific science behind it really....
I'm on holidays now... took a week off so my landlord can work on my apartment, fix the leak in my shower basically... and, crossing fingers, get a new stand-up shower. The one he's got in there was from the 70's, yea that's right... a TIN shower. So, with it being so hot here in the good ol' Alberta, I had to drive 3.5 hours with my window down to remain sufficiently cool, and partially deaf when I get home. With that 3.5 hour drive, I had the (un) fortunate, depending on how you look at it, time to think about... stuff. As per the theme of my past posts... it's about relationships, dating... and you guessed it... me.
And what did I figure out? Lots of stuff lately, but more of a main point that I've been dating with out knowing what I want for a relationship. I know where I'd like to end up and what I'd like to have... but I think I'm just afraid of something... maybe just afraid of the commitment that I thought I wasn't before. Could also be I'm afraid of ending up with someone that I don't really want to be with, so I put up a front to break it off... could be... I don't know. What other scary thing did I figure out about myself? I'm too used to being alone... to find it hard to share my life with someone (I'm not completely sold on this theory, but I see small things in myself when I'm with someone).
So, how am I going to deal with this? I don't know. Simple as that... I don't. What I won't do though is settle for just anyone. What I'm also going to have to do is not be afraid to take a chance either and have more of an open mind. I think I'm afraid of the unknown... same problem as a lot of people I would assume. I'm just gonna have to do it... no matter what "it" is.
~Chris
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Dating is really starting to take its toll...
In the past few weeks I have come in contact with some ladies and looked as things were starting to pick up for me... getting some dating in and maybe finding the "one." I just recently received another "thanx but no thanx" emails... which doesn't bother me anymore... I've gotten a bunch of them and it's useless to even dwell on it. Plus, it was only one date. She was a good looking woman and someone I could have probably gotten really into... first impressions, I was awestruck. But... time to move on, or as my good friend Nikki tells me... "NEXT!!!"
One thing I've learned from dating is learning more about me. Learning what I'm really looking for, what I really want and sometimes that can be quite scary. You figure you find what your looking for and yet, you keep wondering... is what I HAD what I wanted all along? It's really hard to say, because... and it's all happened to us, we get desperate for the physical part of the relationship and if it was good at first and died.... we fall back into that trap... but we talk our selves into "well, maybe things have changed... times are different, grown up..." whatever the reason is... but we talk ourselves into thinking like this. But sometimes it works... and works well, but I've honestly never really considered that to be a possibility. "If you love and let go, it will come back..." only in poetry and TV. Do I sound jaded???
I sat with a really good friend of mine today talking about the world and how things are and got on the topic of dating. The topic of "stop looking, and it'll fall into place." It has worked for some of my friends, but I mean... if you stop "looking" then aren't you in all respects not trying anymore? And how are you supposed to know when you don't even try? I've tried this aspect of dating and I just can't do it. I did take a month or two off from trying but I was still searching... So in actual fact... I just slowed down my search...
Dating is taking its toll on me... for real. I'm really getting tired of looking, trying to find that "one," trying to find what I want and who I want it with. Ideally, I'd like to come home tomorrow after work and find the woman of my dreams standing at my front door asking for directions or something and just happen to fall in love, happily ever after. Well, I know that will never happen, and I know that I'll never stop looking. Even though I'm tired of looking, I'm still going to. Why? It's because it's what I have to do... Just can't fall off a horse and not get back on again... You gotta search through the chaff to find the wheat (yea, I've used that once before, but I liked the analogy so I'm using it again). *Sigh*...
~Chris
One thing I've learned from dating is learning more about me. Learning what I'm really looking for, what I really want and sometimes that can be quite scary. You figure you find what your looking for and yet, you keep wondering... is what I HAD what I wanted all along? It's really hard to say, because... and it's all happened to us, we get desperate for the physical part of the relationship and if it was good at first and died.... we fall back into that trap... but we talk our selves into "well, maybe things have changed... times are different, grown up..." whatever the reason is... but we talk ourselves into thinking like this. But sometimes it works... and works well, but I've honestly never really considered that to be a possibility. "If you love and let go, it will come back..." only in poetry and TV. Do I sound jaded???
I sat with a really good friend of mine today talking about the world and how things are and got on the topic of dating. The topic of "stop looking, and it'll fall into place." It has worked for some of my friends, but I mean... if you stop "looking" then aren't you in all respects not trying anymore? And how are you supposed to know when you don't even try? I've tried this aspect of dating and I just can't do it. I did take a month or two off from trying but I was still searching... So in actual fact... I just slowed down my search...
Dating is taking its toll on me... for real. I'm really getting tired of looking, trying to find that "one," trying to find what I want and who I want it with. Ideally, I'd like to come home tomorrow after work and find the woman of my dreams standing at my front door asking for directions or something and just happen to fall in love, happily ever after. Well, I know that will never happen, and I know that I'll never stop looking. Even though I'm tired of looking, I'm still going to. Why? It's because it's what I have to do... Just can't fall off a horse and not get back on again... You gotta search through the chaff to find the wheat (yea, I've used that once before, but I liked the analogy so I'm using it again). *Sigh*...
~Chris
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Me and a dream...
So, lately I've been wondering what a guy, like me, should do with his time, where to spend his money and should include as a hobby. Well, looking at a bigger picture I'm wondering why I'm really sweating this really trivial stuff.
I'm reading a novel series by W.E.B. Griffin called the Honour Bound series. It's 3 books all about a WW2 OSS mission to disrupt u-boat replenishing in Argentine waters as, I'm unsure if it's fiction or real or not, Argentina is neutral. The main character, in the 2nd book, inherits a HUGE estancia (Spanish for ranch/farm) from his father (who unfortunately gets killed in the first 10 pages)... they go on to talk about ranch hands, houses for the employee's, and even a church plus a small grass runway. The ranch next door, is roughly 80,000 plus hectares. It's a good series and I've been enjoying this authors books and have started a collection. Thanks dad for introducing me to this author!!
So, where does this leave me and my dream? I don't imagine to have a spread that big, nor do I plan to have servants and my own church. But what I WOULD like to have is my own piece of sky, land... to be away from the big city and enjoy life to the fullest extent. I want to lead a peaceful existence where when you ask for help, someone doesn't have "other plans."
What am I talking about mainly... where do I plan to have this... piece of sky, land or whatever it is I dream of. Ideally, I'd love to have an average of roughly anywhere between 20 and 80 acers, around max, an hour away from a big city and maybe 20 to 10 minutes away from a small town. I want a homestead as well... modest naturally... I want to know what it's like to work hard for a living, to know what it's like to feel like I've accomplished something and feel proud and useful that I have. Along with the homestead, I'd like to have a couple of horses around, and maybe a small little hobby farm like sheep or something small or not. I also want a family of about 2 or 3, to teach them responsibilities and priorities.
Believe me when I say that I had a completely different direction to where this blog was going to go (I gave up calling it a *message thinggy*, it's easier to type blog... *sigh*)... but reading my book I realized that this had to take a seriously different direction. Now that I've covered about 2 of the 5 "W'"s and the 1 "H", now all that's left is Who, Where and When. Sad to say, I couldn't tell ya. I'm hoping to find myself a farm girl as she knows about hard work and could teach me a thing or two about it. Where? Well, land is cheaper the farther north you go... maybe Ft. Saskatchewan NE of Edmonton... closer to home and to mom and dad as well. Now, as for When... that's the tricky part. I'm in no real position to be buying land, especially since the oil sands are gaining and gaining in popularity, especially since they are discovering oil farther and farther south and east.
I don't know where I'm going to end up, or what's going to happen in my future, but I do believe in destiny and a reason for everything. It is a dream, and something I think I'll end up working towards, if not 20 acers, maybe 5 but this is totally something that I want to have or end up with. I don't know where anyone else's dream ends up but I hope they are as grand as ever and that your working towards them.
~Chris
I'm reading a novel series by W.E.B. Griffin called the Honour Bound series. It's 3 books all about a WW2 OSS mission to disrupt u-boat replenishing in Argentine waters as, I'm unsure if it's fiction or real or not, Argentina is neutral. The main character, in the 2nd book, inherits a HUGE estancia (Spanish for ranch/farm) from his father (who unfortunately gets killed in the first 10 pages)... they go on to talk about ranch hands, houses for the employee's, and even a church plus a small grass runway. The ranch next door, is roughly 80,000 plus hectares. It's a good series and I've been enjoying this authors books and have started a collection. Thanks dad for introducing me to this author!!
So, where does this leave me and my dream? I don't imagine to have a spread that big, nor do I plan to have servants and my own church. But what I WOULD like to have is my own piece of sky, land... to be away from the big city and enjoy life to the fullest extent. I want to lead a peaceful existence where when you ask for help, someone doesn't have "other plans."
What am I talking about mainly... where do I plan to have this... piece of sky, land or whatever it is I dream of. Ideally, I'd love to have an average of roughly anywhere between 20 and 80 acers, around max, an hour away from a big city and maybe 20 to 10 minutes away from a small town. I want a homestead as well... modest naturally... I want to know what it's like to work hard for a living, to know what it's like to feel like I've accomplished something and feel proud and useful that I have. Along with the homestead, I'd like to have a couple of horses around, and maybe a small little hobby farm like sheep or something small or not. I also want a family of about 2 or 3, to teach them responsibilities and priorities.
Believe me when I say that I had a completely different direction to where this blog was going to go (I gave up calling it a *message thinggy*, it's easier to type blog... *sigh*)... but reading my book I realized that this had to take a seriously different direction. Now that I've covered about 2 of the 5 "W'"s and the 1 "H", now all that's left is Who, Where and When. Sad to say, I couldn't tell ya. I'm hoping to find myself a farm girl as she knows about hard work and could teach me a thing or two about it. Where? Well, land is cheaper the farther north you go... maybe Ft. Saskatchewan NE of Edmonton... closer to home and to mom and dad as well. Now, as for When... that's the tricky part. I'm in no real position to be buying land, especially since the oil sands are gaining and gaining in popularity, especially since they are discovering oil farther and farther south and east.
I don't know where I'm going to end up, or what's going to happen in my future, but I do believe in destiny and a reason for everything. It is a dream, and something I think I'll end up working towards, if not 20 acers, maybe 5 but this is totally something that I want to have or end up with. I don't know where anyone else's dream ends up but I hope they are as grand as ever and that your working towards them.
~Chris
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Me... and Facebook...
Facebook to me was inevitable. I'm sorry to say that it hasn't been one of the better things that I've ever done or signed up for. Regardless if it's free or the amount of people that you can get in contact with... it's evil. All intents and purposes... e-v-i-l.
Why do I say that? Well, I have come in contact with a number of people I've worked with in the past and have even gone to school with. It's nice to see that most of the people I remember from high school and from previous work experiences are doing quite well (some more than others *clears throat*).
Just so you know, the unfortunate part right now is that I'm going to rant mostly... so be forewarned. One thing that really "grinds my gears" is all these people who I've worked with/socialized with in the past, they will add you as a friend and you write a message to them on their wall and you receive nothing back. I know it's just a basic message saying "hey, haven't talked/seen you in a while, how's things going?" and get nothing back. I mean... wholy crap, if you had no intention of wanting to chat with me, then don't accept me as a friend on facebook.
I do realize that this is a fad, like MySpace or any other sites that are out there... but I mean... come on. How hard is it to reply? You briefly look on THEIR wall and you see that they are conversing with others, why not you? The only thing I could ever think of... and if you have an idea, please... feel free to share... is that they don't want to hurt your feelings. WHAT??!?!?!!! you say? Yes... it sucks to the point of... *ugh* or *sigh* but really... what CAN we do about it? Nothing. That's right... nothing. If you receive nothing back.... um... at all... then just remove them as a friend... because really... even if you haven't even received a joke from them in the "mass mail jokes" culture... then where do you really stand with that person(s).
Anyway... that's all I really had to say. For the most part, I don't have a problem with it... but it was just one little point that really got to me for some reason. I am happy though, to get in touch with some old friends and see how well they are doing for themselves. I do have my blog address posted on facebook (I hardly doubt anyone has read or will read this anyway) but if you have taken SOME initiative to take a peek... thanks!! :) And... LEAVE A MESSAGE ON MY WALL!!!...lol
Later
~Chris
Why do I say that? Well, I have come in contact with a number of people I've worked with in the past and have even gone to school with. It's nice to see that most of the people I remember from high school and from previous work experiences are doing quite well (some more than others *clears throat*).
Just so you know, the unfortunate part right now is that I'm going to rant mostly... so be forewarned. One thing that really "grinds my gears" is all these people who I've worked with/socialized with in the past, they will add you as a friend and you write a message to them on their wall and you receive nothing back. I know it's just a basic message saying "hey, haven't talked/seen you in a while, how's things going?" and get nothing back. I mean... wholy crap, if you had no intention of wanting to chat with me, then don't accept me as a friend on facebook.
I do realize that this is a fad, like MySpace or any other sites that are out there... but I mean... come on. How hard is it to reply? You briefly look on THEIR wall and you see that they are conversing with others, why not you? The only thing I could ever think of... and if you have an idea, please... feel free to share... is that they don't want to hurt your feelings. WHAT??!?!?!!! you say? Yes... it sucks to the point of... *ugh* or *sigh* but really... what CAN we do about it? Nothing. That's right... nothing. If you receive nothing back.... um... at all... then just remove them as a friend... because really... even if you haven't even received a joke from them in the "mass mail jokes" culture... then where do you really stand with that person(s).
Anyway... that's all I really had to say. For the most part, I don't have a problem with it... but it was just one little point that really got to me for some reason. I am happy though, to get in touch with some old friends and see how well they are doing for themselves. I do have my blog address posted on facebook (I hardly doubt anyone has read or will read this anyway) but if you have taken SOME initiative to take a peek... thanks!! :) And... LEAVE A MESSAGE ON MY WALL!!!...lol
Later
~Chris
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Where does a guy put his time and money???
Ok, so... I know I haven't written a blog in so long, and many of you haven't seen any real updates about what's been going on and how things are going... To be honest, I've had a real depressing month. There wasn't much that went on that I could joke and be jovial about. I refuse to write something negative or depressing on this blog and would like to keep it that way. Most of what I've had to say have been rants... not raves unfortunately. I haven't forgotten about my blog... just nothing really worth writing about lately.
So, a new month and new things to chat about. I've actually come up to quite a frustrating dilemma at the moment. I've come to a new hobby, of which I don't do enough, but enjoy what I do.... yes yes yes... it's the gun thing and I'm actually looking at a new weapon as we speak... although I will need to get my FAC/PAL before I do anything else, of which adds to my frustration. I'll elaborate...
I'm trying to find something that can occupy my time. I don't really have a woman to call my own, so I'm looking for a project to put my money and time into... something to be proud to say... "Yeeaaaaa.... I did that..." I have so much I WANT to do, but so little money, or even a place to do most of what I want to do. I've narrowed down my ideas to 4 things mostly (ok, thinking about it...5...lol). 3 require a place and money, and 2 is almost instantaneous gratification from where I sit now, financially and location wise (meaning, I can do most, if not all of it, in my apartment).
1. I've got a 1966 Chevy 2 that my dad and I own that I'd like to resto-mod into a sleeper (read: bigger motor, better drive train, all in a 4-door family car)
2. I have a friend who owns a dune buggy that doesn't require a whole lot of work, but needs a new motor (rebuild myself or buy a used motor just to get it running and driving) plus needs to be road legal. Princess Auto may have a lot of the stuff I need, but it all still requires a place and money to do it.
3. I want to get my class 6 license, ride motor bikes and eventually buy my own and maybe get out and meet some new people.
4. I have 2 bicycles that I want to customize and make it look cool and enjoy riding. Some of the parts are quite pricey but easier to work on and in the long run... more instantaneous gratification that it's done and can ride it asap... and can be done in my apartment.
5. Ok, the last but not least that's been running through my mind... my guns. Yea, I know... it's an expensive hobby, and to me, it's a lot of fun to go to the range and kill some paper targets. I'd like to expand my collection and eventually have my dad go with me to the range with me and have fun. Guns are expensive themselves, the ammunition isn't cheap either for the guns that I do have.
Those are the options that I've given myself. There is a TONNE of other shit that I would really love to do but those are the more attainable ones, the areas where I believe I would show most of my passion in. I've even thought of combining a couple of them together. I am coming to the realization that some of those won't happen right away, it may take years for me to get to where I want to be to even start some of these projects. And it would probably take years for me to get to some of them done. Which sucks because I REALLY want to do this NOW...lol Not tomorrow, or the next day... NOW!!..lol
Ah well, I was always told that listing things out really helps find out what you want to do and where you want to go. The pros and cons so to speak. And I think the decision has pretty much sorted it self out just now... *sigh* As to what I'm gonna do... you'll have to wait and see, 'cause really... I've only made a decision on what to do... what I'm gonna do next... well... that could be any ones guess really...
Oh, before I cut this novel off at it's knee's... I saw Transformers on Friday night.... man... if you ever watched that show religiously like I did when I was a kid... GO SEE IT... DO IT NOW!!! Oh yea... that brings me to point #6... the 52" Plasma including surround sound for the Transformers movie that I'm going to buy in the next year or so.... :D
Later
~Chris
So, a new month and new things to chat about. I've actually come up to quite a frustrating dilemma at the moment. I've come to a new hobby, of which I don't do enough, but enjoy what I do.... yes yes yes... it's the gun thing and I'm actually looking at a new weapon as we speak... although I will need to get my FAC/PAL before I do anything else, of which adds to my frustration. I'll elaborate...
I'm trying to find something that can occupy my time. I don't really have a woman to call my own, so I'm looking for a project to put my money and time into... something to be proud to say... "Yeeaaaaa.... I did that..." I have so much I WANT to do, but so little money, or even a place to do most of what I want to do. I've narrowed down my ideas to 4 things mostly (ok, thinking about it...5...lol). 3 require a place and money, and 2 is almost instantaneous gratification from where I sit now, financially and location wise (meaning, I can do most, if not all of it, in my apartment).
1. I've got a 1966 Chevy 2 that my dad and I own that I'd like to resto-mod into a sleeper (read: bigger motor, better drive train, all in a 4-door family car)
2. I have a friend who owns a dune buggy that doesn't require a whole lot of work, but needs a new motor (rebuild myself or buy a used motor just to get it running and driving) plus needs to be road legal. Princess Auto may have a lot of the stuff I need, but it all still requires a place and money to do it.
3. I want to get my class 6 license, ride motor bikes and eventually buy my own and maybe get out and meet some new people.
4. I have 2 bicycles that I want to customize and make it look cool and enjoy riding. Some of the parts are quite pricey but easier to work on and in the long run... more instantaneous gratification that it's done and can ride it asap... and can be done in my apartment.
5. Ok, the last but not least that's been running through my mind... my guns. Yea, I know... it's an expensive hobby, and to me, it's a lot of fun to go to the range and kill some paper targets. I'd like to expand my collection and eventually have my dad go with me to the range with me and have fun. Guns are expensive themselves, the ammunition isn't cheap either for the guns that I do have.
Those are the options that I've given myself. There is a TONNE of other shit that I would really love to do but those are the more attainable ones, the areas where I believe I would show most of my passion in. I've even thought of combining a couple of them together. I am coming to the realization that some of those won't happen right away, it may take years for me to get to where I want to be to even start some of these projects. And it would probably take years for me to get to some of them done. Which sucks because I REALLY want to do this NOW...lol Not tomorrow, or the next day... NOW!!..lol
Ah well, I was always told that listing things out really helps find out what you want to do and where you want to go. The pros and cons so to speak. And I think the decision has pretty much sorted it self out just now... *sigh* As to what I'm gonna do... you'll have to wait and see, 'cause really... I've only made a decision on what to do... what I'm gonna do next... well... that could be any ones guess really...
Oh, before I cut this novel off at it's knee's... I saw Transformers on Friday night.... man... if you ever watched that show religiously like I did when I was a kid... GO SEE IT... DO IT NOW!!! Oh yea... that brings me to point #6... the 52" Plasma including surround sound for the Transformers movie that I'm going to buy in the next year or so.... :D
Later
~Chris
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