Thinking

It's something we all do. That's right... it's thinking. We all have our moments where we like to think, we are as individual in how we think and pretty much in what we think about in general. I would like to point out that there's stressing and thinking. We all pretty much stress about the same stuff, career, money, love etc etc etc... I guess we could be thinking about that stuff to, but I like to refer that as a stress more than anything. Personal opinion there, no specific science behind it really....

I'm on holidays now... took a week off so my landlord can work on my apartment, fix the leak in my shower basically... and, crossing fingers, get a new stand-up shower. The one he's got in there was from the 70's, yea that's right... a TIN shower. So, with it being so hot here in the good ol' Alberta, I had to drive 3.5 hours with my window down to remain sufficiently cool, and partially deaf when I get home. With that 3.5 hour drive, I had the (un) fortunate, depending on how you look at it, time to think about... stuff. As per the theme of my past posts... it's about relationships, dating... and you guessed it... me.

And what did I figure out? Lots of stuff lately, but more of a main point that I've been dating with out knowing what I want for a relationship. I know where I'd like to end up and what I'd like to have... but I think I'm just afraid of something... maybe just afraid of the commitment that I thought I wasn't before. Could also be I'm afraid of ending up with someone that I don't really want to be with, so I put up a front to break it off... could be... I don't know. What other scary thing did I figure out about myself? I'm too used to being alone... to find it hard to share my life with someone (I'm not completely sold on this theory, but I see small things in myself when I'm with someone).

So, how am I going to deal with this? I don't know. Simple as that... I don't. What I won't do though is settle for just anyone. What I'm also going to have to do is not be afraid to take a chance either and have more of an open mind. I think I'm afraid of the unknown... same problem as a lot of people I would assume. I'm just gonna have to do it... no matter what "it" is.

~Chris