Ahem... hello??

That last post? Yea, I was angry and upset, sorry everyone. I've since calmed down, taken a breather and a beer and I'm ready for bed...lol I'm just stressed about the car now, who's gonna come for it now? Are the original ppl gonna be back? I'll probably have nightmares about this tonight.

The feeling of being violated though is still with me, I'll still drive my little car but I don't know how I'll feel driving it. I'll deal for now... Thanx for listening... I'd rather vent on here, than at one of my faithful friends.... again...

~Chris

THAT'S IT!! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!

Remember me yesterday saying how tired I am of people calling me for whatever credit card or whatever survey??? Today was a bad day for me today. It all started off with me starting off my day finding out that my car had been broken in this morning. VERY early this morning. As I drove to work, I felt violated, not at ease anymore. The car felt foreign as I drove to work this morning. I made a report to the police at noon and made me feel a bit better. I at least got that done and, like I said... feeling better. But I must admit, the person/people who did it were really good and did little damage getting in (like I'll tell ya'll how they did it...)

So, what was the straw that broke the camels back tonight? Yup, Capital One (Whats in YOUR wallet?) called me. I'm tired of this shit, I'm tired of these jokers calling me 3 or 4 times a day, not leaving a message, not answering when I say hello twice but only on the 3rd time. I usually hang up after the 2nd hello, but nope... I carried on. I must be a gluten for punishment because I actually let them talk to me and frustrate me.

I'm calling Telus right after dad calls me tonight and getting an unlisted number, hopefully solving all that shit. If your one of the privileged, you'll receive the number. If not and DON'T have my cell? Guess what.... Along the vehicle front?? I'm now actively searching for something else. Plus, my dad could use my small little Cavalier. I'm cashing in my chips and gonna spend some cash...

~Chris

Why do I do it to myself?

This has been the worst year for telemarketers for me. Normally, I keep a low profile and don't hear anything from them. Today was someone from the University of Calgary doing a survey about fitness in various areas of the city. I really had nothing to do, other than stalling from cooking dinner and dishes (as of yet, all of my dishes have not been done), so for 14 minutes I sat there answering questions with the typical "strongly agree, agree, neither agree/disagree, disagree, strongly disagree." It wasn't all that painful, and the woman spoke english.

It's staring to piss me off that I'm getting all this. I had Rogers phone me twice within 20 min of each other one evening trying to sell me the SAME home phone package, then Capital One (Whats in YOUR wallet??) called about half an hour after that. I say, sorry not interested... "Oh but sir, do you know about... ... ..." no and I don't care, but of course I'm not that rude but in my mind I give them the benefit of a pleasant, thanx but no thanx twice, but watch out for that 3rd time I WILL hang up. I will only suffer through so much.

Maybe I'm too polite, or afraid of hurting these people's feelings... fuck it now. These people are on my hit list. Maybe I'm too forgiving because these people are getting a commission on the people they get to sign up, hence the reason why they are pushy. But, get the hint after time #2 of me saying "Sorry, I'm happy with (insert company/plan) and not interested." I really don't know how many people will go through 3 times of "oh but wait and see how we can beat your other offers!!!!" I for one let them down gracefully, to let them save face. Maybe they think that since I've sat through the fast talking b/s that long, I'll actually think "hey, wait a minute, it all makes sense now, it's all so clear......."

Fuck it, I'll pay for an unlisted number.

~Chris

Something interesting while I was blogging...

Today, this evening, I was sitting here minding my own business, kickin' back listening to some of my old CD's that I have found from cleaning up some of my stuff that I've left back home. Minding my own business, I get a phone call from India (she said something about Asian something something surveys or something) asking about current political opinion about our current government.

I really don't care who, or which Political party, paid for this but it got me thinking that... what ever happened to keeping Canadians employed??? Again, I totally agree with the whole money savings thing and most of that stuff is probably contract based but um... if this WAS a political party asking for my opinion, wouldn't you want to keep the contracts in Canada? I mean, it was a 1-866 number so it could have come from anywhere but... I'd almost rather have a french accent than one from either India or Pakistan.

Why I took this survey is beyond me. I think it was because I was stalling making supper and didn't want to get into it knowing full well I have to do dishes afterwards...lol Anyway, I did my best trying to screw with the results and just being way beyond what they would have expected me to answer... although... maybe I fell right into their hands and answered exactly what they wanted. Meh, I like my reality better....

~Chris

And now for something completely different...

Yes, something COMPLETELY different. Tired of talking about myself and all that b/s. Well, ok... so I AM talking about myself, but in a TOTALLY different aspect. About... 3 weeks ago I started wearing my moms magnetic bracelet and necklace in all hopes to help with my back pain. Well, I'll tell you something...

My back still hurts... but I will say that after physio that it is 1000% better than before. Now I just have to work on this whole losing weight aspect of it but I think most of us have to deal with that as well. Anyway, back to this magnetic shit that I talked about... my back isn't much better and I don't have a clue why. I think it's more of a foot thing but until I go back to the doc's and get it checked out a bit better, it'll just have to suffer. But, I've found that I've felt..... better. I don't know if it's just psychological but my mood has improved... I'm not BOUNCING to work, but I just feel like I'm improving. Trying to eat better... maybe the same amount, just better is all, more healthier basically.

I don't know if it's the healthier living or the magnetism coursing through my body from my wrist and neck. I wanted to eat better because my buddy told me he ended up on a fast food diet working nights and felt rundown and not feeling good in general. So I took that to heart and started to eat better and DAMN... was like a light switch, but damn I'm poor now...lol But it's something to keep up with, you don't have to be SUPER healthy but, things must change.

Later

~Chris

New things for this ol' Blog of mine...

Ok... so... I'm going to be trying some new things in the next few weeks/months. I want to change the lay-out of my blog and I want to make some changes, change what my blog means to me. I'm going to be asking for help from some of you, but hopefully it works out... but then again... it may not happen at all...lol Ah well... Anyway...

~Chris

testing testing testing

Rhymes with I'm

I'm everywhere you seem to be,
I'm the steam from your tea
The Cream in your Cheese
The Green on your Peas
The Peace to your war
I'm the fleece in your drawer
The grease on your floor
I'm the store, where you get your cigarettes at
The collector, gettin' the bigger debts back
I'm the back pack carryin' mic's and tapes
I'm the MC separate from these mice and fakes
I'm what makes your face scream
I'm the A-Team
I maybe a faint dream and maybe I'm Maybelline(sp)
I'm the man the machine, I'm your pants and jeans
I'm the damn MC with the dancing queen
I'm the Fan Teen cover, the fancy lover
I'm the guy making fun of your Nancy brother
I'm the other half, I'm drinking your mothers draft
I'm the guy that your girl wants to scrub in the bath
And I'm a laugh, a chuckle, a gupha, a snicker
I'm the autographed poster on the wall of your sister
I'm Mr. Big Boss man, hittin' you with a sauce pan
I'm the eBay auction for a mint in box "Moss Man"
I'm Hawkman, I'm Captain America
I'm rappin' in characta, I'm rappin' hysteria
I'm mappin' the area around your home look,
I'm home cooked, I'm the notes in your note book
I'm a 3-ringed binder, the G-string finder
The Louie Del Grand seeing things rhymer
I'm the smartest plough(??) and the hardest route
I'm a Marxist shout, I'm the artists doubt
I'm the media heart, I'm a scream in the dark
I'm the strange deranged fiend you meet in the park
And I'm the teeth of a shark, biting your neck
I'm the lighting exec who's like "I'm liking the set"
I'm the Mic check, I'm the one's and two's
I'm the MC having more fun than you
I'm your blunts and brew, with some gum to chew
And I'm the grunts in blue telling the bums to shoo
I'm what you want to do, when you got no dollars
I'm a rouge scholar, pro baller, phone caller
I'm all your good memories, I'm your enemies
I'm kids on internet, who keep "MSN me"
I'm the tendency to be the cursed dang hoser
I'm your worst hang over, I'm your first bang sober
I'm your virginity, I'm your purrin' kitty
I'm the guy wonderin' "He's 'Burg isn't he?"
I'm Trinity, I'm Alpha Omega, I'm the Bodega
When you first played Street Fighter 2 and beat Vega
I'm Sega, I'm Atari, I'm an RPG
I'm roast beef with a melted piece of Arby's cheese
I'm hardly pleased, I'm not impressed
I'm not takin' off my shoes 'cause I'm not your guest
I'm hot to death, I'm regrets only
I'm BYOB, I'm THE FLY HOMIE!!
YOU KNOW ME!! I'm the face you make
I'm your favourite mistake
And I'm the lady of the lake
I'm a rathe(??) you can't escape, I'm with you every time
I'm the name of the song... I'm Rhymes


-SJ, The Wordburglar

To Those who know and are getting to know... Me...

Hey, I guess I should come on here telling people what, I guess... what I'm all about. I have had the misfortune of someone referring to my online blog to me in a very personal email. Just to get it out in the air... everyone has a skeleton in the closet (some are still in the closet so to speak) or demons to face. We also have fears, things that scare us, things in the past that hold us back, some so much that it hampers them(us) from doing basic day to day chores, activities.

The reference was made that I have a fear of commitment (Thinking, July 28/07). Well, it's true that I MAY have a problem committing to someone. I haven't yet found that fear, or what it may be and I really do think that me being alone for this long with out something serious has hampered me being able to commit, but maybe I'm just scared of losing my independence... whatever the excuse I give, it doesn't mean that I'm not willing to face those thoughts/fears head on.

I was talking to my buddy at work about this and he said that if I was someone special, it would have been worth taking the chance and riding out the rough spots. I agree whole hearted. And probably most of you do to, but little are willing to face those demons/skeletons and it's just too easy to go back to "the norm." One of the main reasons for me to have this blog, for me to write out some of my deepest thoughts for anyone to see, is to clear them from my mind, to talk things out and maybe have someone give me some insight as to what I am thinking all along or offer suggestion. For those of you who are just getting to know me through my blog, I don't pretend, nor to I WANT to pretend to be someone I'm not. These things that I share to the online community are there for all to see (hopefully a great majority of them positive and a touch humorous).

I don't want people to think that I'm doing this for the attention, because I'm not. I'm doing this more to help me than to give someone their jollies by looking at my trials and tribulations. And if someone is doing that... meh, what do I care because if I did, I wouldn't be talking about this kind of stuff to everyone. Saying that, I don't put stuff on here that's stupid personal. Some things aren't meant for public consumption... ;)

This is just a little taste of who I am, reading regular posts, you'll have a half decent idea about who I am and what I'm about and where my mind rests. If you don't like what your reading, then don't read anymore... it's your choice.

~Chris

Dreams or Goals?? Which is what now???

I've told you all about my dream of having my ranch with a couple of horses and or ranch and how I'd love to have my kids grow up there and enjoy the country life and it's peacefulness and tranquility. With each passing week, I'm realizing that it's more of a romantic notion and a more romantic way of life than what I had anticipated. I dated a girl who lived that country life, and it's not easy... and if you know me well enough... me and hard work... we don't go so well together...lol

So, now that I've realized that, what ARE my goals? Right now, I'd be happy with just finding someone and being happy with that someone. Also a goal of mine right now is to settle. I don't want to move anymore, and if you've read my previous post "Thinking"... you'll notice that I think I've finally found home. I also want to be happy with me, be happy with who I am and what I've become (it's nothing bad, just to accept the way I am). I've also got a plan in place right now that I'm hoping to stick with.

For now, I haven't given up on my ranch but I'm modifying my dream... so long as I get a 3/4 tonne diesel with a camper or trailer to be able to get out and go camping with a family.... I'd be happy with that. Even if it were a nice house in the city... I'd like to have an active family, doing something of some sort... doing touristy things or things with the family basically. I want my 2.1 kids and a dog...lol I don't know if what I'm doing is good, but for me... it's a more realistic of a dream other than reaching for the stars when you can't even get to the clouds. The only way my primary dream will have a chance is if land prices plummet... ah well...

~Chris

My back and me...

So, last week was my last physio visit. More for lack of funding than anything else... but I'm trying to take steps to help myself now than trying to use others to help me. I'm not one to turn help down now, nor am I one to ALWAYS be macho and never accept it either, there are times when you just have to reach out and ask. I've suffered with ever worsening back spasms right up until about 4 or 5 months ago when I started physio. It was pretty much right away that I was feeling a difference.

One thing that I'm now trying that I figured couldn't hurt. My mom gave me a magnetic bracelet and necklace and, I don't know if it's all mind over body or if they're actually doing something. One thing I do know though, is that, it's taken a few weeks, but I'm feeling a bit better, more motivated to do something than just sit around doing nothing. I'm still a little sore when I wake up in the mornings but the pain that I've had compared to the pain that I have now is NOTHING compared to what I've experienced and have lived with. So now, I'm gonna have to deal the cards I've been dealt and go with it....

~Chris

A Successful Holiday...

Yea, I have to say that that had been one of my better holidays to date. I usually dread the drive home, but this time I didn't. I came home, happy... tired, but happy... enjoyed the time with my parents. I normally can't last 3 or 4 days with them, but this was a great break and enjoyed the visit immensely. I spent WAY too much while I was back home, mostly on stuff that I needed.

I decided to come home a day early, mostly to skip the traffic, but I was just needing some space to myself... some alone time as it were. Getting home, starting to relax from the drive and creating another tornado that blew through my apartment. Driving around the city today, getting some groceries and just escaping the mess I created I came to... not really an epiphany, nor a realization... but a feeling, is probably the best way to put it.

I've moved all my life. Some people who have lived in one place can't fathom the experiences that I've had, and nor can I fathom the people who have lived in one place all their lives. I've been around the world basically... well, Canada and Western Europe anyway... and I can say that each city and town that I've lived in has each had its pro's and con's. I've moved so much that I can honestly say... for the longest time that I haven't had a "home town" to call home or somewhere where I have a history that I've come from. Only within the past 7 years have I called Edmonton my home town, I've got history there now, I've got a good friend base there and most of all... family.

Calgary is now my "home", and no, there isn't the phrase "for now" attached to it. Moving just about once a year jumping from job to job, career to career. I'm still quite young, but I need to start thinking more of a future, more of where I am headed so calling Calgary "home" was needed. So, driving around today... it felt good to be back "home" to be somewhere comfortable, familiar. I now know how mom and dad feel, after 37 years of uprooting everything and starting over and over and over. I also know how one can have a home town and a home. I'm fighting this feeling but I think I may have to accept instead of fight. I think, instead of calling Calgary "home" I should be calling it Home.

~Chris

A lesson in History...

This week, as most of you who read my blog know, I have been on holidays (much needed or not, it was nice to just get away) for the past week. I've come on a mission to rescue some of my toys from growing up. After watching the latest Transformers movie, I felt a sudden hole in my own being and felt the need to reconnect with my youth.

My search isn't going so well, or as well as I had expected. After 20 years of moving and picking up and putting away, being shoved into a corner or in another box... my transformers have gone MIA. I have gone on a full scale search for these toys, my link to the past, my sole imagination growing up basically. I did find a few, a few have escaped to be found plus a few others that I knew were around. My first reaction was "AWESOME!!!" and "SUCCESS!!!" until it sunk in that... wait a minute... this isn't as awesome as I thought it once was. Something has happened to me in the past 15 to 20 years since I've seen them and now I wonder... is it worth bring them out and displaying them? I played with them when I was young, so they are kinda beat up and still thinking... HELL YEA!!!

So what HAS happened to me in the past 15 to 20 years? I can only think of one word, that hits us all hard, whether we like to admit it or not... REALITY. This hits us hard because we have to accept it. We don't necessarily lose our imagination growing up, but it grows up with us as we grow up. Things change, we lose a part of our youth basically. Hence the stuff we keep, or hold on to to remind us of that one time. In some ways I wish I still had that imagination I had growing up. It was very fertile, and plus moving as much as I did and not having the HUGE social structure as I was an only child, it was fantastic. I would marvel my parents as to what I would think of and how I was having fun. I miss those days, and unfortunately they will never to return, as I sit here thinking of how those toys have changed. Not changed physically, but just.... changed in how they are to me. Man, hours of fun, now put into 3 or 4 paragraphs in a blog.

I'm glad I've had this reunion with these toys... helps me remember where I've come from and who I've become growing up. Again, different times, different places, but ALL good memories. I'm still on the hunt for these, may be another visit or two but I'm putting the call out for them from dad, maybe he might be able to find them in his travels in the basement.

~Chris